Counting

The days are limited.

School is over in excatly 4 days including the weekend.

So 2 if you really care.

I'm scared. Terrifed i believe is more the word i want to use.

I need a job.

Everytime I try to get one..."we aren't hiring anymore..."

I've lost about 4 jobs that way. BK, Thristy's, McDonalds, and La Vias.

I have so many wants just like a normal teenage girl would have. But these wants are of different lines. I want money so that i can help out my mom, while i try to find my own place. I want another iguana. 30 bucks for an igglet. Then i have to get a cage 50 i believe would be best and then the food every week. I don't care though. I want another one so bad. I have no where to put it though. I want a kitten. I would keep it with Dave but i mean....is this "thing" going to last? I don't want to put my animals with heartache. That's right, i treat them like my child.

There has been agruements before with Dave over animals. I won with Marius (my iguana) because he IS mine. If it wasn't for Big Dave letting me keep him at the apartment i wouldn't have him. I'm the one that mostly wants these animals. AND I would have to support them. Which isn't a problem as long as I have a job.

Reality is hitting me hard. I'm so terrifed of life, though all along i have been living.....I haven't been living the adult life.

How will i support myself? I'd pick my animals over myself any day. I don't want to have to relay on my mom. I know that it's what i will do until she dies though. Even after she is gone i will suffer from not being able to go to her and ask her for something.

I can see it now.

I will never talk to my sister.

It's not something i need to live.

Maybe i'll call once a month....maybe 4 times a year.

All i know is it isn't important to keep her in my life.

I love her....don't get me wrong....it's just she's done nothing for me.

I turned 18 in October. It's now June.

We had "Hollywood" Happenings and the Tattoo Bus had come once again this year. My sister got a My Little Pony tattoo above her left breast. To my surprise when i asked her to buy me a tattoo she said i don't now lets see how much mine will cost. The fact she even was thinking about it shocked me.

So everything worked out and she was there with me as I got my first tattoo. While i was getting it done she started talking about mom and how they'd pitch in together. Mind you we never talked to my mom about this. So when i got home later that night I told my mom i had a tattoo. I showed her and then my sister was like yea so pay me back half of what it cost. My mom was like what? So the tattoo became my graduation gift.

My tattoo costed 50 dollars and i paid him 60. He did good with me. Kept me calm and it was a nice experience. Mom paid 30 and so did my sister.

What a gift for them only having to spend 30 bucks on a graduation gift.

It's not colored in, just the outline and the little body part of the butterfly is colored in. I printed out numerous copies of my tattoo and i am having people color it. If i like what they have done I will get it done. I think it's a pretty sweet idea.

http://www.findagoth.com/?object=gallery&action=view_photo&id=38878&photo_id=223580

I lighten the picture so that people could actually color it. I told them to use color pencils.

The days are limited.

Everything has happened so fast.

Where do i begin now?