Babies

I am in Adult Life at school. Heidi just had her babay!....i have a picture of me holding Jordon. It's the happiest i've been in along time. I'm in internal today. Damn cellphone and school rules. I've been staring at his pictures off and on (it's 12th period) and i get a sense of compleation even though Jordon isn't mine. I feel like everything i've been confused about and worried about has all of a sudden figured itself out.
I wanted a child before i started this Rice Baby stuff (www.myspace.com/babygertabek07.com). Now that i held Jordon and saw how happy he made me, it just makes me want a child of my own EVEN more now. I was thinking about having a baby next year. If everything looks good. But of course there's still college. I want to be a good mom. I want to be able to give my child whatever it needs. Anything and everything. It will be spoiled. The money and a place to live is my main worry. I'm not bringing a child into a dump. I'm not bringing a child into a oh well i guess i'm gunna have to mooch off my mom home either. I want to be on my own. Ready to be a mom. Who will be the dad i don't know. But i do want a baby and if i have a nice guy maybe he'll be the dad. I don't know what i'm saying i just want a baby.
I'm a loser.
I have no job and i'll be surprised if i pass this year. I'm trying to do my best. I've been slacking. Pretty much the whole year really. It's like i don't want to grow up.
I feel like i'm annoying to all the other students in here right now. I'm just typing away. Mr. Matt over there though is tearing up paper and being obnixous. So i can't say i'm the worse one outta the group.
Saw miss. merwin today. She's subbing for the librarian. Which is cool seeing how she was the old 9th grade english teacher. Requested a few good books to read. I miss her really. She's pretty awesome. Though when she was here most students didn't like her. I loved her.
I only have about 20 minutes left and i'm outta here. I hope something good happens today. I don't wanna be home all weekend.