Babies

I am in Adult Life at school. Heidi just had her babay!....i have a picture of me holding Jordon. It's the happiest i've been in along time. I'm in internal today. Damn cellphone and school rules. I've been staring at his pictures off and on (it's 12th period) and i get a sense of compleation even though Jordon isn't mine. I feel like everything i've been confused about and worried about has all of a sudden figured itself out.
I wanted a child before i started this Rice Baby stuff (www.myspace.com/babygertabek07.com). Now that i held Jordon and saw how happy he made me, it just makes me want a child of my own EVEN more now. I was thinking about having a baby next year. If everything looks good. But of course there's still college. I want to be a good mom. I want to be able to give my child whatever it needs. Anything and everything. It will be spoiled. The money and a place to live is my main worry. I'm not bringing a child into a dump. I'm not bringing a child into a oh well i guess i'm gunna have to mooch off my mom home either. I want to be on my own. Ready to be a mom. Who will be the dad i don't know. But i do want a baby and if i have a nice guy maybe he'll be the dad. I don't know what i'm saying i just want a baby.
I'm a loser.
I have no job and i'll be surprised if i pass this year. I'm trying to do my best. I've been slacking. Pretty much the whole year really. It's like i don't want to grow up.
I feel like i'm annoying to all the other students in here right now. I'm just typing away. Mr. Matt over there though is tearing up paper and being obnixous. So i can't say i'm the worse one outta the group.
Saw miss. merwin today. She's subbing for the librarian. Which is cool seeing how she was the old 9th grade english teacher. Requested a few good books to read. I miss her really. She's pretty awesome. Though when she was here most students didn't like her. I loved her.
I only have about 20 minutes left and i'm outta here. I hope something good happens today. I don't wanna be home all weekend.

It's Been Awhile

Life has been changing for me. Heidi is having Jordon this week. Thrusday or Friday. It all depends. I'm lost in my life as of always. My ex is and asshole. Yes indeed a huge ass. Why do i even bother? Why don't i try to look for something more? Maybe someone who i deserve. I mean he can be a good guy and all, but he has his times where he is just plain ridiclous. We aren't even going out, yet he thinks he can tell me when to go home. "It's after 11 why aren't you home?!" Sorry i'm chillen with Devin playing some Halo 2. I didn't think it'd be such a problem dad. I know i deserve better and i know i could probably find better......but i guess im "in da nile".
It's getting warmer out. Still in the 40's and such but moving up nicely. The winter is still young though.
I'm not carrying around my Rice Baby anymore! I feel a little odd. I've had to carry that damn thing for so long it just doesn't feel right not having it. I made him a myspace. Yes that bored in life and enough time on my hands.
www.myspace.com/babygertabek07
Pictures of him and his "family" also a birthday cake....excuse me and my friends are fat and wanted some cake!!! Pretty yummy cake if i may say so.
Shamrock shakes are out and about!! I love the month of March for this reason only. My grandmother died on the 17th 8 years ago (this coming saturday), my exes birthday is the 20th, Leonard died on the 6th, and it's still crappy outside.
But Jordon will be born soon and Amanda's birthday was yesterday. Maybe as the years go on i'll find more things to love about March. Only time will tell.


Well I was posting this earlier this week but now that it's been 4 days, Heidi had Jordon later tuesday at 8:38pm. He's beautiful and i'm in love with him already. I took a few pictures of him and heidi. Also Ron and him. I posted them on my myspace and i posted them on Heidi's too. I can't wait to see them again. Maybe later today or sometime soon maybe monday? Who knows. But i'm so happy that everything went well. She was in at 6ish and had him by 8:40. for her first birth that was crazy labor time. She's defiantly built for pushing out babies.